Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Time flies by when your overwhelmed

It has been a while since I have gotten a chance to actually sit down, think and write. The holiday season always overwhelms me and consumes my thought process. I will try to sit down later tonight and fill you in. But tonight I finally get to decorate the tree, bake and clean. So we shall see.

Talk to you soon

Thursday, December 18, 2008

A new way to reflect on our lives..........love this concept

My friend came to work the other day and was telling us all about a book she heard about on TV. A book where famous people use six words to reflect on their lives. I looked this book up online and found it very interesting.

Not Quite What I was planning is a simple book of words that reflect on how others see their lives and much more. You should check it out.
Here are some quotes from the book that I found interesting:
" Almost a victim of my family" Chuck Sangster
" Nobody cared, then they did. Why? " Chuck Klosterman
" Extremely responsible, secretly longed for spontaneity. " Sabra Jennings
The girls and I then came up with basically the same concept. We each wrote six words on a piece of paper that reflected something about our lives. Something we would have done, should have done or something that makes us happy. We each hold these in our pockets and look at them in times of doubt. We can except the things we wrote on the paper or we can change them when possible. Sometimes we lose sight of what is important and this is a constant reminder. You should really check this book out as there are alot of great six word sayings that say alot about the person.
I will share mine with you:
" I could have suffered from Cancer"

" I would have chosen love differently"
One life, six words. What are yours? Share if you will.

Ok, I am about to surrender. HELP

Ok I am sitting here fighting the urge to surrender to the holiday pressure. I try to keep in the back of my mind that I am not alone but it just isn't making it any better.

There is a week till Christmas and all the pretending I have done to get in the spirit just isn't cutting it. I am broke. I am tired. I am stressed.

I read an article in my local newspaper where a man drove to a grocery store parking lot and took a gun and ended his life. They say he was recently unemployed and had a breakup. They also said that the influx of suicide attempt calls has greatly increased. This is sad I tell ya. But believe me I am far from even the thought of attempting suicide. I just think it is so sad that people are that stressed out. People struggling and giving up. I understand their stress and feel bad for their families. Times are tough. But I have to believe they will get better.

I try everyday when I get up to think of positive things and happy thoughts. Think of things that bring a smile to my face. But some mornings it just isn't that easy. But if you do look around, listen to other peoples stories and read the news you will see people have it much worse. I will keep pushing my thought process through the negative moments. I have to. I will get through this.

On a more positive note, I traveled to Connecticut with my sister yesterday to watch my neice play in a basketball tournament at Loomis Chaffee. They lost but it was still exciting to watch her play the game she loves so much. That brings a smile to my face :)

I received a nice positive email last night from my sons school saying how well he is doing and how impressed they are. I am always happy when I open an email from them and it is filled with positive words and not those oh so negative words that I am used to. That is looking up. He may finally be getting it together.

Well I am off to work. I have one other post that I will be posting but want it to be seperate. If anyone has something to share let me know.

I hope everyone else is doing ok and getting through the tough times.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I am clearly not alone

I would like to sit in a dark room and feel bad for myself. Feel bad that my hours at work have been cut. Feel bad that I struggle to pay the bills. Feel bad that this economy SUCKS. But it is very hard to feel bad for myself when so many others struggle.
I received calls and emails from my friends yesterday who were so stressed out that they needed to vent. Bill collectors calling, being taken to court for credit card debt, bounced checks and just the overall lack of $$$.
It is amazing how many people want money from you and they want it QUICK. It feels as if the bill companies are the only ones who are blind to the fact that this country is in a fucking financial crisis. Give it time you assholes. We are working on it. We will get you your money when we have it. Don't ask for $100 on Friday when we don't know if we'll have it. We will call or send it when it arrives in the bank.
People are trying to pay the mortgage, rent, heat, electricity and most of all trying to feed their kids. Fuck the million dollar bailout for corporate America. Think about the little guys like us. Enough is enough.
Ok, I feel better now. LOL. But like I said I am NOT alone. We will get through this but it will take time. Share your stress and then open the window and let it out. There is only so much we can do right?

Monday, December 8, 2008

What Christmas has come to mean to me.......

I remember way back when , back to the times when Christmas had a meaning and it was full of laughter and fun. Ok, so maybe I was only a child who still believed in Santa Claus. Young enough to have imagined him not sliding down the chimney since we lived in a three decker in the city. But him using the magic key that my mother hung on the front door. I used to wait up and attempt to keep my eyes open until he arrived. I never did catch him. I remember all of the extended family going to my grandparents and just simply enjoying our time together. Laughing, Singing and exchanging gifts. People were poor back then and the gifts weren't extravagant. But the gifts were either bought or made with you in mind. Gifts given out of love. Oh how simple those times were. I remember having my first job as a teenager and the pure joy of being able to go out and buy gifts for others. Nobody expected them or demanded them. They were simple happy to receive something out of love and consideration. Then the days when my son was young. He loved Christmas the same way I did. Wide eyed and ready to go first thing in the morning. It was fun to buy for him back then. Thomas the Tank Engine , Barney and all the other great things he loved. They were cheap. I could afford them. He loved them.

Christmas to me this year and for a few years past have become demanding, stressful and highly overrated. The meaning of Christmas is highly distorted now a days. Most people are struggling to get by but are forced to steal from Peter to pay Paul only to borrow from Mary to buy gifts. Children are trying to keep up with their friends and now want high priced video systems, cell phones and other electronic devices. Then they get them and you don't see that light around them, any joy in their eyes. It has become about the price tag of things and keeping up with the Jone's. I would prefer handmade gifts if any. No gifts are fine too. (*EXCEPT FOR YOU KRISTEN). I know times are hard and people are struggling to feed their families and pay the bills. People are trying to keep afloat during this economic crisis. I GET IT.... I am right there with you ...........LOL

So Christmas 2008 has become exactly this for me. Stressful and overwhelming. I have decorated the house in the effort to find the Christmas spirit that I have lost. I have played the music and even hummed a tune. But it is a struggle to pretend I am excited about finding $$$ to buy gifts for people. Not because in most cases I have to. But I want to. I am a giver. I love to buy gifts for the important people in my life. I buy gifts with meaning and people know I have put the thought and effort into getting them something that means something. But this year I am handing out:

Gift wrapped boxes full of stress, debt, panic, anxiety and frustration. I am giving them with love and a sense of hope. I hope if I can pass them on and then you pass them on none of us will have to hold on to them long enough to let them bother us. These are gifts worth re gifting. At some point once a gift has been re gifted too many times it gets thrown away. So these are my gifts to you. Sorry to have to share them with you. Fill them up with your matching gifts and pass them on. Lets hope UPS loses these boxes and 2009 brings a fresh start.

Friday, December 5, 2008

So much has happened

Ok, so here I go. I will start with the ex I guess. So he called and he texted. Why?? I may never know. I am just going with the theory that he is a lying , cheating , manipulative ASSHOLE. That is what seems to fit him best. So he contacts me and then to no surprise so doesn't his GIRLFRIEND/WIFE. Yes, yet again he is still with Cindy but trying to manipulate me into believing he isn't. So she texts me and figures out that he has been contacting me. She then decides to call me and explain how she pays his cell bill and could see that he had been contacting me. She confronted him and he threw the phone at her saying whatever. So him. I tell her that NO I had not contacted him first but she already knows that. She already knows about me too. This is not the first conversation I have had with this woman. I called her the last time and filled her in on everything. And she choses to stay with him. I told her that she can have him and that he can lose my number for all I care. She says she doesn't want him but is STILL with him. Some people are desperate and that is all too sad. I just hope that this saga of MIKE SCLAMO is over. They can have each other and live unhappily ever after. But leave me out of it. PLEASE

Now lets talk about Thanksgiving. I am so over family holidays. I am sure if you have a some what normal family it is fun and all that other shit. But when you have a family such as mine it is nothing but drama and stress. My sister came from NH with her three kids. Teenagers who have NO discipline and NO respect. They broke our couch from running on it, deleted my ENTIRE playlist on the computer, one of the boys stole from Guitar Center and bragged about it. The list could go on and on but it hurts my chest still to talk about it. The worse part is my sister says " Too bad, Suck it up". Guess what YOU SUCK IT UP. I raised my son. He wasn't always good but I disciplined him and attempted to correct his behaviors. I did the work, the doctors appointment, the therapist and all the other things that needed to be done to keep him straight. Don't just sit back and let your kids dominate you and control you. And most of all teach them to respect others. If they act up at home thats one thing but they should at least have enough respect to act correctly when they are visiting others. WHAT the FUCK?? Oh yeah one of the boys had the nerve to pull his leg back and kick my mother. Are you kidding me??? You go suck it up and take your kids home where they can break your shit and disrespect you. We don't need it here we have enough to deal with. And she had the nerve to tell my mother she had been holding her tounge. Hold your tongue and hold the gas peddle down as you drive out of state.

Work is sucky right now. Because of the financial crisis that this country is in people simply can't afford to eat out and waste the money. Therefore my hours have been cut right before Christmas. I barely make enough to get by week to week and now they cut my hours. What a fun Christmas this is going to be.

Things could be worse I get. I have gotten through worse. I am a survivor right?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

OH so much to fill you in on

Thanksgiving was eventful here to say the least. I had to take a few days to recover from all that happened over the break. I will be back on after work to write it all out. The ex, his ex, my sister , her kids and the whole mess of it all when I return. LOL