Valentines Day ????????

Valentines day is that day where the one you love is supposed to take an extra step to show you how much they love you. Why only one day a year? I never understood it. Isn't love something that should be shown 365 days a year? Why is it the one day where most men run around searching for some meaningless object to show a reflection of their effections. Do roses and candy mean love? I don't believe it does.

Valentines day was fun in grade school where you waited for that special boy to give you the tiny envelope asking you to be his. It was pure innocence and it was fun. Then as a teenager you wait for something special from your first love to show a sign that this is the one. He wants to be with you forever. Forever? Well back then you believe it means forever. Then as an adult you wait for your special someone to show up and bring you something of meaning. I guess it just changes as you do over the years.

I see Valentines day as a day of reflection. A time to reflect on your past, present and future loves. I think back to Dominic C in second grade. Every little girl waited for his card and I always got it. Cute huh? Then in high school when Justin said he loved me forever and would never leave. Huh? When did forever end so soon? Then as an adult I reflect at the latest versions of love and wonder why did I waste my time.

But believe me I am not bitter about Valentines Day. Good for those of you lucky ones who have found your true ONE and that everlasting love that little girls dream of.

I only feel bad for those who have settled down with the one we WANT to be that one. The one we HOPE will turn into that one. I myself would rather be alone than to be with someone I see as my only option. I would rather spend the day with my family and friends showing love. Shit I would rather spend a day reading books and watching movies by myself than to be in a clouded version of a relationship. A relationship with no future but only the hope that someday it will turn around.

Whatever, I just had to write this down. I had to share my thoughts. Happy Valentines Day to those of you who are with the right one. And for those of you in those shitty relationships I hope you can see through the rose colored glasses you are wearing and say to yourself " Next year I will be with THE ONE". Don't settle for someone rather than no one. Love yourself. Cook yourself a nice dinner. Shit buy yourself some flowers and treat yourself right.

Team Walk for Dee 2009

Today kicked off our fifth annual team WALK FOR DEE fundraising effort.

Team Walk for Dee started walking back in September of 2005 in honor of Doreen Pepin Durling who lost her 11 year battle with Ovarian Cancer. To this day she is dearly loved and missed. Dee was an amazing mother, sister, daughter, friend, cousin and more. I started this team to keep her name and memory fresh.

Now team Walk for Dee also walks in memory of Ronnie Pepin and Maria Caraballo who also both fought and lost their battles with Brain Cancer. Also Barbara Spencer who is in remission with Lung Cancer and Robert Pepin who is continuing his fight with Brain Cancer. These are our family members but we also walk with the knowledge that many others have fought and continue to fight Cancer. Many others have been effected by this horrible disease. We raise money for all families who have been effected by Cancer and all the other families who might be in the future.

Please check out our fundraising page @ http://www.firstgiving.com/gwendolynbultron3

We believe every dollar counts and any and all contributions will be greatly appreciated. Please spread the word and the link in hopes of assisting us w/ our fundraising goals.

Its all working out

It's been a while since I last updated and it could be a little while till I get back. I have been putting most of my focus on ME. I am living the ARE YOU READY lifestyle. I also joined the family's worship group on Monday nights. I am trying to be more open about where I am in life and seeing if I am ready for that change as well. I am not saying I am but I am pretty open to learning more. Not much more is going on. Just truly trying to focus on my weight loss journey and doing the worked that is involved in winning. I am online most days w/ my buddies on Mytrainerbob.com sharing stories and words of encouragement with them. It is a great support system and I love putting my energy and time into it. It is all working out and I am starting to really enjoy life..........

Upcoming life changes for 2009

Some of you are wondering what has taken me so long to update this blog. And as much as I love blogging and sharing my life with everyone, I have come to realize that I have to take the time to focus on me. While focusing on me I mean reading, writing, journaling and making some much needed changes in my life. There are so many changes happening to me personally and so many more to come. I will be letting go of some parts of my past and present and replacing them with new healthier things. People , places and things that are no longer a positive force in my life will slowly be removed. I have to take the time to put myself in a much more peaceful and healthier place. Sounds crazy but I have been on a journey emotionally lately and am now seeing things through clear glass and not the foggy ones I have always worn.

The first and most important change of 2009 is my new " Are you ready" lifestyle change. Each day I am learning more about the reasons and the ways I have always eaten. Ways that got me to the weight that I am today. This is far from my biggest but still far from my goal. I am working at it one day at a time and one pound at a time. This is not a race to the goal it is a learning experience that leads to the ultimate goal of a healthier lifestyle. I know people such as myself are looking for quick and speedy results. But with reading and educating myself I have learned that slow and steady win the race. It is not healthy to lose excessive amounts of weight in a short time. It will come back and bring friends. I have also learned to accept my failures in the past and to move forward. I no longer lie to myself and say I am doing my best when I clearly am not. So at this point I am 15 lbs down for the month of January and looking forward to more weight loss in February. This is my year and I am ready. Hopefully you are supporting me in this journey and if your not I know it is of no fault of mine. I am in this for me and in it to win it. GO ME !!!

Not much has really been going on in my life besides focusing on my weight loss and lifestyle change goals. Life has been pretty mellow and calming besides the common battles such as the lack of $$$, lack of love and the lack of medical care. I am hoping 2009 will turn around so that those issues can be resolved.

The Kid: He managed yet again to bring home a report card with all B's. This has been an amazing year for him academically. Emotionally he still has a lot to work on but for him each day is a learning experience too.

Love Life: None to speak of. I don't think I really mind all that much because I have to take care of me before I can put in the effort to take care of someone else. Like any human there are times I want the human touch and companionship but not enough to cry about it.

Work: Same ole drama different day. Nothing ever changes there but I have fun with my friends. The busy season is on its way so I will soon be working full time again and be able to catch up on the bills that are piling up.

Friends: Their all cool I guess. Some of them love me and accept me most of the time but hate when I tell them how I feel. I am honest and sometimes my buffer comes off. So be it. If anyone is going to tell you the truth it is much better to come from a friend who loves you and wants the best from you. I've had to hear my fair share of shit too. Get over it and move on. I love you all to death even if I am a bit of a bitch. I get to have an opinion even if it differs from yours. Thats what makes us different people and the person that we are.

I am patiently waiting for my taxes to come back so I can plan my May 2009 trip to Cancun. Come Hell or high water I am going. I need a break. All of my friends say " Oh, I wish I could afford to go". Well guess what people you couldn't afford it the last ten years and you can't afford it this year. But if you wait for the $$$ to grow on trees so that you can RELAX and RECHARGE you will be dead. I have to live while I am alive. I need to leave reality for a few days and take ME time. The bills will be there when I leave and more when I return. It will happen, they will get paid and I will be on the Hot Ass Sandy beach in CANCUN............LMFAO