Wednesday, October 24, 2007

What the F@CK Wednesday

OMG. My chest is aching and my heart is beating out of it. I am completely overwhelmed today. It's only 6:24 am and my day already sucks. This is so my life. Just when it seems like the clouds have cleared I get thrown against a brick wall. I am sitting hear trying not to hyperventulate or cry. Because when I feel this stressed and I cry sometimes I just can't stop.
I am working 7 days a week and still just getting by. Stealing from Peter to pay Paul. No extra cash to by the clothes my son needs no extra money to buy the food I need to eat healthy. No money for anything. Money only for bills. I don't think that when you work hard and try to live a good life you should struggle. I know I do not struggle alone but I do suffer from " IT'S ABOUT ME" syndrome.
I just need a fucking break here. Just a little light at the end of the tunnel would be nice.
I wake up this morning to a notice to appear in court for my son because he acted up in school last week. This is a violation of probation as it is a term to attend school without incident. WTF.. Give me a break will ya? The reason he has been acting up is because Harrington Memorial Hospital is lacking any medical concerns. I have been fighting w/ his psychiatrist since May to have an actual prescription written for him. She wrote a script for a medication she knew would not be approved by insurance and since then he has been living on sample packs. Never mind the fact that the dose has been too low for his height and body weight. I have called her numerous times w/ no return call. I have filed complaints and she up'd the meds but still not enough. I have tried to have her write an approved script and still nothing. His school sent home a letter for her that I faxed. Only then did I get an appt for today. Had she done her job he would have been on the appropriate meds and his moods would be controlled. She BETTER correct this today. I don't want to go to court.
Never mind I just started a new job and had to ask to work half day today to take him to the appt. Now I have to go in and ask to take more time off to go to court??????????? FUCK I am overwhelmed

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Whatever Wednesday

Whatever !!! I just don't get it somedays. Life can be so good one day where you are smiling and motivated and just plain ole glad to be alive. I am still struggling w/ weight loss, my son has his old attitude lately due to his meds not being adjusted by his doctor. She is useless as I have come to find out. No love life as of yet and so on and so on.
I started a weight loss support group though on Myspace with some family and friends. They are looking forward to it as much as I am. Hopefully we can motivate each other the way I intend on .
Work is ok. Work is work. Still working at Friendlys too. Working 7 days a week to JUST get by. Struggling w/ my bills still. When is enough enough?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Wacky Wednesday

Sorry it has been so long since I have written. So many things are going on right now. Most of them great things actually.

Well first lets start w/ my son. He brought home his progress report and it was pretty outstanding for him. He really has been trying to make some changes. Not that he doesn't have set backs but he is trying harder and listening more. He may just grow out of this after all.

Barbara and I did our routine trip to Fall River to see Psychic Steve. I had a really great session. He said that now that my job and son are all set I need to push everything aside and focus on me. He said that once I am happy everyone will be happy and we all know that to be true. He also said I will meet my soulmate soon. He said I already know him but may have pushed him aside in the past for any reason such as maybe I thought I wasnt good enough or he wasnt good enough or possibly only thought of him as a friend. We shall soon see I hope.

I started my new job and so far so good. Today is only day two. There is a lot to learn. I get bored easy so hopefully today will be better. I will let you know

Monday, October 1, 2007

Monday Madness

Well it is Monday and I am still alive. I guess that is a good thing. Things are going as best they can right now. Not much happening.

Looking forward to starting my new job. I need something new in my life something to switch things up a bit. I hope it all works out because I really want to stay local in the winter. Nothing worse than 290 traffic in the winter. Don't miss those days at all.

MOTIVATION oh, where has my motivation gone? I am stuck in a rut and don't know how to get out of it. I was talking to my friend Barbara and I was like, I know I don't need a man to feel special but I miss that part. I miss being told I am beautiful by a man. I have always done my own thing and never depended on a man but it DOES feel good to feel wanted and desired. It is motivating to look good for someone else. I just don't know how to get going again. Somebody give me some advice here will ya?

I REALLY miss a man's companionship. Watching tv, listening to the radio, waking up w/ him by my side. I miss so many things that I used to have. The problem was I had all that with a man who didn't deserve it. But I was without all of that for so long that now that I know what it feels like to have it I want it more. I want to share my world with someone else. I want him to share his w/ me too. I want to snuggle and be comforted. I want to have someone special to talk to. The feeeling of knowing he will be home or going to call is great when you are w/ the right someone. I truly miss it all.

Well, I was talking about Karma today and I was like I believe in it and I hope it starts coming around soon. I was having a weak I MISS MIKE moment last nite. Pathetic but true. I miss him sometimes. I hate to talk about him and I hate to wast energy on him but as he would say " It is what it is". I miss the man. I miss his smile and his corny little sayings. I miss the way I felt when he would look at me. But today Karma came around. Rumor has it he was arrested on an outstanding warrant. For what? That I do not know. But he gave the blond bimbo (the one he cheated w/) $500 to go get him a lawyer. Well she never did and he is still in jail. I feel bad for his kid but the guy deserves it. I hope he has time to think about what he has done to me and that Karma truly is a bitch. He had it good w/ me and I would have been right by his side. Not anymore. He chose and he chose badly. He just wasn't the man he portrayed himself to be. He was hiding behind so many lies and they have finally caught up w/ him. No wonder he was always having chest pains and anxiety attacks. He knew he was a scam artist and now he is paying the price.