Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Time flies by when your overwhelmed

It has been a while since I have gotten a chance to actually sit down, think and write. The holiday season always overwhelms me and consumes my thought process. I will try to sit down later tonight and fill you in. But tonight I finally get to decorate the tree, bake and clean. So we shall see.

Talk to you soon

Thursday, December 18, 2008

A new way to reflect on our lives..........love this concept

My friend came to work the other day and was telling us all about a book she heard about on TV. A book where famous people use six words to reflect on their lives. I looked this book up online and found it very interesting.

Not Quite What I was planning is a simple book of words that reflect on how others see their lives and much more. You should check it out.
Here are some quotes from the book that I found interesting:
" Almost a victim of my family" Chuck Sangster
" Nobody cared, then they did. Why? " Chuck Klosterman
" Extremely responsible, secretly longed for spontaneity. " Sabra Jennings
The girls and I then came up with basically the same concept. We each wrote six words on a piece of paper that reflected something about our lives. Something we would have done, should have done or something that makes us happy. We each hold these in our pockets and look at them in times of doubt. We can except the things we wrote on the paper or we can change them when possible. Sometimes we lose sight of what is important and this is a constant reminder. You should really check this book out as there are alot of great six word sayings that say alot about the person.
I will share mine with you:
" I could have suffered from Cancer"

" I would have chosen love differently"
One life, six words. What are yours? Share if you will.

Ok, I am about to surrender. HELP

Ok I am sitting here fighting the urge to surrender to the holiday pressure. I try to keep in the back of my mind that I am not alone but it just isn't making it any better.

There is a week till Christmas and all the pretending I have done to get in the spirit just isn't cutting it. I am broke. I am tired. I am stressed.

I read an article in my local newspaper where a man drove to a grocery store parking lot and took a gun and ended his life. They say he was recently unemployed and had a breakup. They also said that the influx of suicide attempt calls has greatly increased. This is sad I tell ya. But believe me I am far from even the thought of attempting suicide. I just think it is so sad that people are that stressed out. People struggling and giving up. I understand their stress and feel bad for their families. Times are tough. But I have to believe they will get better.

I try everyday when I get up to think of positive things and happy thoughts. Think of things that bring a smile to my face. But some mornings it just isn't that easy. But if you do look around, listen to other peoples stories and read the news you will see people have it much worse. I will keep pushing my thought process through the negative moments. I have to. I will get through this.

On a more positive note, I traveled to Connecticut with my sister yesterday to watch my neice play in a basketball tournament at Loomis Chaffee. They lost but it was still exciting to watch her play the game she loves so much. That brings a smile to my face :)

I received a nice positive email last night from my sons school saying how well he is doing and how impressed they are. I am always happy when I open an email from them and it is filled with positive words and not those oh so negative words that I am used to. That is looking up. He may finally be getting it together.

Well I am off to work. I have one other post that I will be posting but want it to be seperate. If anyone has something to share let me know.

I hope everyone else is doing ok and getting through the tough times.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I am clearly not alone

I would like to sit in a dark room and feel bad for myself. Feel bad that my hours at work have been cut. Feel bad that I struggle to pay the bills. Feel bad that this economy SUCKS. But it is very hard to feel bad for myself when so many others struggle.
I received calls and emails from my friends yesterday who were so stressed out that they needed to vent. Bill collectors calling, being taken to court for credit card debt, bounced checks and just the overall lack of $$$.
It is amazing how many people want money from you and they want it QUICK. It feels as if the bill companies are the only ones who are blind to the fact that this country is in a fucking financial crisis. Give it time you assholes. We are working on it. We will get you your money when we have it. Don't ask for $100 on Friday when we don't know if we'll have it. We will call or send it when it arrives in the bank.
People are trying to pay the mortgage, rent, heat, electricity and most of all trying to feed their kids. Fuck the million dollar bailout for corporate America. Think about the little guys like us. Enough is enough.
Ok, I feel better now. LOL. But like I said I am NOT alone. We will get through this but it will take time. Share your stress and then open the window and let it out. There is only so much we can do right?

Monday, December 8, 2008

What Christmas has come to mean to me.......

I remember way back when , back to the times when Christmas had a meaning and it was full of laughter and fun. Ok, so maybe I was only a child who still believed in Santa Claus. Young enough to have imagined him not sliding down the chimney since we lived in a three decker in the city. But him using the magic key that my mother hung on the front door. I used to wait up and attempt to keep my eyes open until he arrived. I never did catch him. I remember all of the extended family going to my grandparents and just simply enjoying our time together. Laughing, Singing and exchanging gifts. People were poor back then and the gifts weren't extravagant. But the gifts were either bought or made with you in mind. Gifts given out of love. Oh how simple those times were. I remember having my first job as a teenager and the pure joy of being able to go out and buy gifts for others. Nobody expected them or demanded them. They were simple happy to receive something out of love and consideration. Then the days when my son was young. He loved Christmas the same way I did. Wide eyed and ready to go first thing in the morning. It was fun to buy for him back then. Thomas the Tank Engine , Barney and all the other great things he loved. They were cheap. I could afford them. He loved them.

Christmas to me this year and for a few years past have become demanding, stressful and highly overrated. The meaning of Christmas is highly distorted now a days. Most people are struggling to get by but are forced to steal from Peter to pay Paul only to borrow from Mary to buy gifts. Children are trying to keep up with their friends and now want high priced video systems, cell phones and other electronic devices. Then they get them and you don't see that light around them, any joy in their eyes. It has become about the price tag of things and keeping up with the Jone's. I would prefer handmade gifts if any. No gifts are fine too. (*EXCEPT FOR YOU KRISTEN). I know times are hard and people are struggling to feed their families and pay the bills. People are trying to keep afloat during this economic crisis. I GET IT.... I am right there with you ...........LOL

So Christmas 2008 has become exactly this for me. Stressful and overwhelming. I have decorated the house in the effort to find the Christmas spirit that I have lost. I have played the music and even hummed a tune. But it is a struggle to pretend I am excited about finding $$$ to buy gifts for people. Not because in most cases I have to. But I want to. I am a giver. I love to buy gifts for the important people in my life. I buy gifts with meaning and people know I have put the thought and effort into getting them something that means something. But this year I am handing out:

Gift wrapped boxes full of stress, debt, panic, anxiety and frustration. I am giving them with love and a sense of hope. I hope if I can pass them on and then you pass them on none of us will have to hold on to them long enough to let them bother us. These are gifts worth re gifting. At some point once a gift has been re gifted too many times it gets thrown away. So these are my gifts to you. Sorry to have to share them with you. Fill them up with your matching gifts and pass them on. Lets hope UPS loses these boxes and 2009 brings a fresh start.

Friday, December 5, 2008

So much has happened

Ok, so here I go. I will start with the ex I guess. So he called and he texted. Why?? I may never know. I am just going with the theory that he is a lying , cheating , manipulative ASSHOLE. That is what seems to fit him best. So he contacts me and then to no surprise so doesn't his GIRLFRIEND/WIFE. Yes, yet again he is still with Cindy but trying to manipulate me into believing he isn't. So she texts me and figures out that he has been contacting me. She then decides to call me and explain how she pays his cell bill and could see that he had been contacting me. She confronted him and he threw the phone at her saying whatever. So him. I tell her that NO I had not contacted him first but she already knows that. She already knows about me too. This is not the first conversation I have had with this woman. I called her the last time and filled her in on everything. And she choses to stay with him. I told her that she can have him and that he can lose my number for all I care. She says she doesn't want him but is STILL with him. Some people are desperate and that is all too sad. I just hope that this saga of MIKE SCLAMO is over. They can have each other and live unhappily ever after. But leave me out of it. PLEASE

Now lets talk about Thanksgiving. I am so over family holidays. I am sure if you have a some what normal family it is fun and all that other shit. But when you have a family such as mine it is nothing but drama and stress. My sister came from NH with her three kids. Teenagers who have NO discipline and NO respect. They broke our couch from running on it, deleted my ENTIRE playlist on the computer, one of the boys stole from Guitar Center and bragged about it. The list could go on and on but it hurts my chest still to talk about it. The worse part is my sister says " Too bad, Suck it up". Guess what YOU SUCK IT UP. I raised my son. He wasn't always good but I disciplined him and attempted to correct his behaviors. I did the work, the doctors appointment, the therapist and all the other things that needed to be done to keep him straight. Don't just sit back and let your kids dominate you and control you. And most of all teach them to respect others. If they act up at home thats one thing but they should at least have enough respect to act correctly when they are visiting others. WHAT the FUCK?? Oh yeah one of the boys had the nerve to pull his leg back and kick my mother. Are you kidding me??? You go suck it up and take your kids home where they can break your shit and disrespect you. We don't need it here we have enough to deal with. And she had the nerve to tell my mother she had been holding her tounge. Hold your tongue and hold the gas peddle down as you drive out of state.

Work is sucky right now. Because of the financial crisis that this country is in people simply can't afford to eat out and waste the money. Therefore my hours have been cut right before Christmas. I barely make enough to get by week to week and now they cut my hours. What a fun Christmas this is going to be.

Things could be worse I get. I have gotten through worse. I am a survivor right?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

OH so much to fill you in on

Thanksgiving was eventful here to say the least. I had to take a few days to recover from all that happened over the break. I will be back on after work to write it all out. The ex, his ex, my sister , her kids and the whole mess of it all when I return. LOL

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

WOW!!! Amazing. Just when I needed it

Any of you who know me know my love for music and lyrics. Just as I was feeling weak and broken again I heard this song. I have copied the lyrics for you to share with me. I am amazed everyday with music.

Sara Bareilles Gravity lyrics

Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone. You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

CHORUS Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me. You loved me 'cause I'm fragile. When I thought that I was strong. But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

CHORUS Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me. I live here on my knees as

I Try to make you see that you're Everything I think I need here on the ground. But you're neither friend nor foe though I Can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me downYou're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeahYou're onto me, onto me and all overSomething always brings me back to youIt never takes too long

Whatever Wednesday

Well here I am again. Sorry about the burp there I was having a mini meltdown and needed a moment to pull it back together.

The weekend in Watertown was a blast to say the least. However my son got into the camera and deleted the pictures again. The things he does amaze me always. But anyway we went to Buff's Pub in Newton on Friday and had drinks with Danielle's client Sarah. She was unexpected but fun to be around. It is always interesting to meet new people and hear their stories. Annie the waitress is always pleasant and finds a way to get me some tequila. Love that girl Annie. LOL
Saturday Danielle and I drove down to Tabor Academy in Marion, Ma. to watch my niece scrimmage agains the Navy Prep. It was great to finally see her throwing the ball. It has been a while since I have been able to watch her play the game she loves so much. Tabor was so beautiful. It is Cape style buildings on the water and boasts of all the amenities a teen cool ask for. Shanise always been Shanise informs me that there are pot smoking whores there. LMFAO. She is funny I tell ya. Then at night we all sat around and had some buffalo dip and watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It was a quiet night but still fun. Sunday Shanise and I drove into Cambridge and did some grocery shopping. I made them all some spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. When Danielle came upstairs from the gym she was savoring the smell since that is not a normal thing around there. Baked Chicken yes, Pasta no. Pasta Bad. LOL We all loved it and sat around and watch the Patriots blow away the Dolphins and then we watched the AMA's. I am sure I missed some excitement along the way but it was fun and I extended my vacation an extra day and came home Monday morning.

Work sucks right now. There are people there that can't mind their own business and do their jobs so the rest of us now have to suffer. It is like being in grade school and I am so done with that. I want to scream at the top of my lungs and just say "shut the fuck up and cut some fucking vegetables you methodone using BITCH". Ooops see I had to type it since I can't just go around screaming that in work. But really for 20 yrs I have worked there and it has never been so tense. People are starting to melt down and I will soon be forced back into a cubicle world to avoid it.

The ex texted me on Sunday and then called only to say he HONESTLY missed me. Honesty is a word that is completely foreign to him so I don't even know who taught him that so that he could use it. We had this BULLSHIT conversation about he was sorry and he had untied issues and they were resolved now. Well needless to say he hasn't texted or called again. I was in a Dither as I like to call it. I was back in bed feeling like I was suffocating and all that other shit that comes along w/ being involved with him. I was questioning God on why he would keep bringing him back into my life and testing me. I don't want to be tested. He is my weakness. He is my temptation. But above all he is my ILLNESS. He is the disease that I fight so hard to find a cure for. And everytime I am feeling better and moving on he appears. WHY?

Well I am off to work for the WHOLE day. This will not be fun but I have to do it so I can buy some presents and pretend that Santa is real and all that fun shit. Talk to you soon

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Back to reality Tuesday

Hello all, I am back to reality here in Sturbridge. I had a blast this weekend but it tired me out so I had to rest yesterday. I am off to work and will repost when I get home. Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend as well

Thursday, November 20, 2008

OMG Thank the Heavens the weekend is almost here

AAArrrghh!!! I have had a hell of a week over here. They fired one person I have worked with for 20 yrs for pushing my friend at work. Then my other friend Mike decided to have a fucking melt down at work and walk out. WTF??? There must be too much oil in the air at work clogging more than arteries. Brains are being fried like eggs in that place.

This family of mine is driving me over the edge. DEMANDING I tell ya. They are like breast feeding triplets. They all need something at all times. Not a one of them is able to pick up a sock let alone anything else. I am putting the pedal to the metal tomorrow and heading to Watertown to spend the weekend w/ my sister Danielle and her husband Jim. They better have some beers chilling when I get there. I need them.

My teeth are clenched and my heart is racing. I need to sit and relax. HELP.... LOL

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Wow how time flies even when your not having all that much fun

I can't believe it has almost been 10 days since I last updated my blog. The days have just seem to run on and on and on. Lots of work with minimal play. Which is so not my way of living. I guess every once in a while I have to be the grown up and work. Its just working 50 hours a week might just be too much for a fun loving girl such as myself. LOL

It is with great joy and amazement that I write that my son's first quarter report card came home with all B's and awesome comments. They acknowledge the great improvements he has made academically in the last few months. It is a complete turn around from last year when he refused to even open a book and attempt to appear interested. I am proud of him and am happy he is making strides towards doing better. He even applied for his first job yesterday. Hopefully he gets it as it will keep him busy and off the streets. Cross your fingers.

LOVE LIFE: Blah Blah Blah. It is on these cold lonely nights that I miss the ex. The one who hurt me twice. He wasn't good for much as I have come to find out but he was good in the sense of snuggling up with him and talking. Even if it was all BULLSHIT. At least he was a body but I am not saying I want him back. I just want that feeling of having someone there for me. But the next time the time and words we share will have actual meaning. I have to at least hope for that. I am not really out there looking I guess so I don't know what I can expect. I guess I would like that fairy tale lover to appear. The one on the white horse who will wash away all the bad memories from the past. The man who you dream about as a little girl. Oh man, it sucks when you grow up and all the smokey dreams are battered away by BAD BAD men. LMFAO Until then I will do what I do and wait. All good things come to those who wait right?

I had a really fun weekend this past weekend considering it was nothing that was planned. I slept at my cousin Jesse and his new wife Tennaile's house. They are always a blast and worth the drive over. We just laughed all night and then again in the morning. I decided at the last minute to sleep over Kristen and Jay's on Saturday night and it proved to be worth it. Kris and I hooked up with Cindy Lou and just sat around her apartment having beers, sharing stories, dancing and practicing some old cheerleader moves. Needless to say the belly hurt from laughing and the knee hurt from the attempt at doing the splits but it was so fun. Those are some of the best nights of my life. Unscripted and unplanned. Just flying freely and enjoying my life.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Just another day

Today is just another day of days that seem to just run into each other without much happening in between. I have to work 10 days straight and over 100 hrs before I can get a day off. And I am looking forward to it since I get next weekend off.

I had been talking to this guy friend of mine for awhile online and I thought the conversations were going well and that we had a lot to talk about. Then BAM it stopped. I was a little confused about the whole thing but I don't have the energy to over think it and pursue it any further. Just really confused by men yet again. Why ruin a good thing? It was just simple conversation. Did he get scared as if I wanted a wedding ring after two weeks of typing? Come on I am not even the type. Whatever men are just too much sometimes.

My knee is finally getting to the stage of walking without limping and pain. I am going to try to start walking again if only a few miles a day and try to work back up to 5. I need to get myself back on track over here.

The kid is good, home is good and the friends are good. How much more can a girl ask for. One day at a time right?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Start to a great day

I stayed up way past my bedtime last night to watch history in the making. I stayed up till a whopping 10 p.m. Go me !! It was so worth it. It is amazing the number of people who voted and also the number of people who made the right decision. Go AMERICA... LOL This is the start of a bright future.

And I am also thrilled because my sister was OBSESSED and was running around in a Barack shirt for days. Not sleeping and was glued to the tv and internet. This would have been a devestating upset to the poor girl. LOL And she had me going too.

Well, I am off to work for a nice 11 hr day. Talk to you all soon.

Share your thoughts on this election if you will

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Make your opinion count even if it's not the same as mine !!!

Today is the big day. Voting Day !!! Get out there and make a difference. Make your voice and opinion count. If you don't vote you can't complain. And I love to complain so I will be out there trying to make a difference. We don't all have to share the same opinions and beliefs. We just have to believe in the ones we have. Things will not change and shall forever be the same if we don't get out there and do what we have the right to do. VOTE !!!
Go online and find a voting location in your area and just do it:
If you haven't had the time to read and follow either of the candidates here are some quick notes to keep in mind. Don't forget you have all day to vote so read up and get out there.

Obama's Stance on the Economy
Barack Obama has offered a detailed plan to get America’s economy back on track, by creating new jobs and easing the burden on hardworking Americans by offering middle-class tax cuts three times the size of McCain’s.

McCain's Stance on the Economy
John McCain’s economic policy is the same as George Bush’s. It ignores middle class Americans, giving $200 billion in tax cuts to corporations, including $4 billion in tax breaks to Big Oil, while leaving over 100 million middle-class Americans with no relief. Economists say McCain’s plan will add $3.4 trillion to the national debt.

Obama's Stance on Education
Barack Obama puts children first by investing in early childhood education, making sure our schools are adequately funded and led by high-quality teachers, and reforming No Child Left Behind.

McCain's Stance on Education
John McCain supported George Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans instead of much-needed funding for our students, teachers, and failing local classrooms.

Obama's Stance on Energy
Barack Obama will invest in alternative fuels and renewable energy, including a plan to increase America’s energy efficiency and create 5 million new “green” jobs.

McCain's Stance on Energy
John McCain has repeatedly opposed renewable and alternative energy proposals, has promised oil companies a new $4 billion tax break and hired a number of powerful oil lobbyists to run his campaign.

Obama's Stance on Ethics
Barack Obama has been a leader on government transparency – refusing to take donations from lobbyists or PACs, improving disclosure and creating a database where the public can track federal contracts and earmarks.

McCain's Stance on Ethics
John McCain has no less than 177 lobbyists working on his campaign, including many of his top advisors. McCain’s own campaign manager continued to receive money from Freddie Mac until August 2008.

Obama's Stance on Foreign Policy
Barack Obama will continue the long American tradition of smart diplomacy to keep the country safe while improving America’s standing in the world.

McCain's Stance on Foreign Policy
John McCain will carry on George Bush’s policy of unilateral action that puts American troops in harm’s way without exhausting diplomatic options.

Obama's Stance on Health Care
Barack Obama’s health care plan will provide accessible, affordable coverage for all, and it will reduce health care costs for families.
McCain's Stance on Health Care
John McCain’s health plan would tax health benefits for the first time ever — imposing a trillion tax increase on working families and leaving millions without heath care.

Obama's Stance on Homeland Security
Barack Obama supports increased security measures for our airports, ports, and land borders, part of a national plan to protect American’s infrastructure and keep our communities safe.

McCain's Stance on Homeland Security
John McCain opposed increased screening of cargo entering the United States and opposed increased security for airport, port and boarder security.

Obama's Stance on Iraq
Barack Obama will work with his military commanders to responsibly end the war in Iraq. Obama will refocus our resources on al Qaeda in Afghanistan and finish the fight with the terrorists who attacked us on 9/11.

McCain's Stance on Iraq
John McCain has no plan to end the war in Iraq, and would keep spending $10 billion a month in Iraq while the Iraqi government sits on a huge surplus. McCain calls Iraq "the central front of the war on terror" even though Osama bin Laden and the al Qaeda terrorists who attacked us are getting stronger in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Monday, November 3, 2008

It is what it is right?

Today I am in a mood. Not a good mood but not a bad mood. Simply a mood. Most women would understand that mood I think. Its simply one of those moods where your mind is overwhelmed with thoughts but you really are too tired to even attempt to process them all. A BLAH kind of mood really, kinda , sorta.................

I never really thought I hated the winters here in New England but I find myself getting more miserable with each passing COLD ASS day. I just don't think I was ready for this weather. I am not ready to run outside at 5:30 in the morning to start my car and then run back into the house to remove the icicles from my freshly washed locks of wild curls. Where did the sun go? What do I have to do to get back to Cancun where the weather was hold and the beers were cold? I just don't think I am ready for this. Are you?

LOVE LIFE: I have this aching feeling that I am in need of a relationship. I am feeling like it is time for that type of relationship where I am spending my free time with someone who is worthy of my laughter, personality and all that I have to offer. But am I willing to settle? NO, I am not. I have done it in the past and would rather walk the road alone then be with someone who doesn't want to put in the effort that it takes to have a meaningful relationship. Sex is great but don't we really want more out of it? I know I do. Only time can tell though. Pickings are slim around these parts.

DIET: Argghh!!!! It is so hard to lose weight when you are partially disabled. I can't walk so that pretty much cuts out excersize that burns the calories that I need to lose weight. I am still cutting down on my intake but NOTHING is happening. BULLSHIT I tell ya. LOL

Halloween was a lot of fun. I actually gave out candy this year which is something I never am home to do. I got out of work early grabbed some candy and waited for the kids to arrive. Our driveway is kind of long for the little guys so there weren't too many trick or treaters. The ones that came were cute and reminded me of what fun it was to dress up and join in when I was little. Then I got dressed up as a PINK LADY from Grease as I was too cheap to go buy a costume and had this one on hand. I went to Barb and Chrissy's and joined in on some adult fun. A few of the neighbors came and then some of their friends. It was more of a get together than a party but to me it was just right. The right crowd , the right music, the right drinks and the right fire. What more could a girl ask for then a fun night with friends? Ok, maybe I could think of a couple of things.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween

It is Halloween and I am excited. Yes, this is one of the holidays that I miss being a child and having one that liked to dress up and do all the fun things that go along w/ this holiday. I can remember dunking for apples until my face froze only never to get an apple. And playing the donut game and NEVER winning. It wasn't about winning it about the laughs and adventure of it all. Man I wish I was a kid. But tonight I will be at my friends enjoying Halloween the way adults do. No donut games, no apples and no candy. But drinks, laughs, music and Yipee we will be in costume. So I guess it will still be fun just different from the days of going door to door and getting treats. I am sure I will have something to share tomorrow and there will be pics too. I know people love the pictures. LOL

Monday, October 27, 2008

Bum Knee

Well the wedding was beautiful and fun. Tenaille looked amazing in her dress and Jesse was so hansome. They truly looked happy. There was lots of laughs and lots of dancing to be had. Just no dancing from me. The bum knee finally had all it could take and blew out on the way up the stairs. It is no laughing matter my friends. Just glad I was able to be there to share their special day. Everyone had a good time and it was just as amazing as I had imagined.
Diet: So so nothing too amazing going on since I am in amazing amounts of pain and cant move all that much. Was on bed rest for days so no where for the food to move around. Oh well I will just keep trying.
Love Life: Still none
Son: Went to court today and with all the good reports from school and the work he has been producing towards anger management and community service he got yet another get out of jail free card. He is doing better so lets just hope he stays on track.
I have a doctors appointment today at 1 so I hope we can get some help with the knee. I have to suffer enough to finally get my room clean.
Talk to you all soon

Saturday, October 25, 2008

So looking forward to today

The day has come and I am so ready to help Jesse and Tenaille celebrate their wedding day. I recieved a video voicemail from Tenaille the other day and I just laughed so hard. She knows this is going to be the best day ever ever. It was of me holding the microphone at their Jack and Jill party with music behind it blasting. Then there was her asking ME if I was ready for this wedding. She kills me. It is her big day and she wants to know if I am ready? I am always ready for a party and a time to relax and just have a good time. And today is the day my friends. I can't wait to show you the pics.

Diet: Didn't weigh in this week because I was bloated as usual. And most of all EMOTIONAL so I simply didn't want to get on the scale and be told if I lost or gained weight. According to my scale I didn't but just in case this was not the week for any kind of extra added stress.

Love Life: Still NOTHING. LOL I really don't give a shit

Work: Didn't work too much this week so next weeks check will suck but I need a break from time to time. Now I have a self prescribed 4 day weekend. I need it really I do. LOL

Off to get ready to get my nails done w/ my mother and then lots of things to get myself all pretty for the wedding.

Talk to you all soon

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

OMG!!! Can I get a break?

Lets start by saying my lovely co-workers have given me the mighty cold that sucks the life right from under you. I can deal with almost anything but a runny nose drives me over the deep end. But like always I will survive.

Ok, so the kid situation has gone from bad to worse. I didn't hear back from his probation officer in regards to the upcoming 7 to 10 day juvy stay. She said I would recieve a letter in the mail and that never came so I just assumed it wasn't taking place. He has been doing excellent in shcool, doing his community service at school by painting and doing landscaping. And he started his anger management course. Well, just when you think you are getting a break. WRONG. When I got out of the the kids appointment with the judge was at 8:30. WTF??? So I call her back and she tells me that she gave my mother the court papers the day she brought my son into the meeting. Well my mother says she does not recall any paperwork. Does this help??? NO. The probation officer tells me she will see what the judge says but that they can pick him up at school for not showing up in court. I mean FUCK, I am sick, stressed and I have PMS. Now I have to go to work with all this on my shoulders? Just to let you know it was not a pretty day for those around me at work. I cried like a maniac. The lady finally called me back in the afternoon and we have another date this coming Monday. She said that if he stays on the right track she will not recommend the lock up. God help me on Monday if they take him. I could possibly have a fucking breakdown better than Mariah Carey. We shall see.

Diet: Until this point not so bad/ not so good. I finally got a compression thing for my knee and am hoping that will work a little bit so I can start walking again. However, the above situation and my emotional eating disorder caused me to binge a time or two. Not too happy with myself. This is the same habit I fall into over and over again. SHIT

Love Life: Still nothing and ok with it

The big plans for the weekend are my cousin Jesse's wedding. He is the coolest dude ever and I love his fiance. I spend a lot of Friday nights over there with them and can't wait to share their day with them. This is going to be one of those weddings where you know your feet are going to hurt from dancing, your stomach from laughing and your head from the shots of Tequila. I so can't wait. Pics to follow

Off for now be good, be safe but most of all be you!!!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Good friends = good times

Last night was so much fun. SO much better than sitting in the dark dirty bar in the next town. I am glad I went and happy that other people decided to join in the fun. Amy, Steve, Priscilla, Deveron, Kristie and her friend came. When I got to Kristen's we persuaded the house full of teens to join in too. So Jess, Michelle, Michelle, Serena and her friend and my boy Jonny Biffle came. So it cost us $100 dollars to hang with the teens. It was worth the laughs. We had so much fun. We were by far the loudest bunch of screaming people in the place. The hay ride was hysterical and proved to be worth the money. Some of us brave ones even opted to take the spook walk too. We laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves. I love those teens. I only wish my kid would have come with us but its just not his thing. He used to love doing these things. OH well his loss right. I loved it

Friday, October 17, 2008

Finally Friday

I am SOOOOO happy it is Friday. That means I get tomorrow off and it is so needed. I did 33 hrs in three days and I am wiped.

I finally got to spend some much needed time with my friends Chrissy and Barb last night. It was like old times laughing and singing and all the good stuff. I miss those guys. We have plans to go to the big Harvestfest in town tomorrow too so that should be fun.

The son had me up at 330 a.m picking him up at his girlfriends. I was NOT happy. I drive all the way there and he didn't pick up his phone or come out so I drove all the way home in hysterics. I was tired and simply overwhelmed by how this kid acts. I get all the way home and he calls to say he fell asleep. So I go ALL the way back and get him. Some might say " F#ck that I would have left him". I say "F#ck him, he's still getting up and going to school". And so yes, after 2 and 1/2 hours of sleep I got out of bed and got him up. If I have to suffer he does too. So off he went. Too bad

Tonight Kristen, Amy, Steve, Priscilla and I are going to a spooky hay ride. Some think it is boring and want to go out to the normal dive bar. Well go on. I am so over the dark dingy bar where there are more freaks than the haunted hay ride. Stay at the bar and stay in your normal stale enviroment. I think the hay ride is going to be fun and different and I have been looking forward to it. Sometimes it is fun to be a kid again and do the things that bring back childhood memories. I can't wait.

I went to the WW weigh in last night and lost another 2.8 lbs for a total of 8.8. Slow steady steps will win the race right? I was happy with that weigh loss. The slower you lose it the better chance of it staying off. Or so I have heard. I am going to try to get to the doctors so I can get an x-ray of the knee. The pain has been so bad I wake up at night. So working out on it simply is not an option.

Well I am off for now. Make a difference today. Do something new. Most of all live the life you were given. Push past the everyday stress and live.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Ooops just haven't had the time

Times have been busy over here. Barely finding time to do much. I have had to work overtime both last week and this week because there is a string of illness going around work and I am the lucky one (or so they say) that hasn't gotten sick. I question this. I am now the only one overtired and overworked. But the money will be a blessing because I seem to always be broke.

The kid was really doing good there for a while. And by a while I mean for a week. But with a tough kid like him it is a one day at a time kind of world. There was the days where he just wasn't coming home or coming home at 1 in the morning. I was scared and worried and that just didn't seem to matter to him. He is simply one of those teenagers that will rebel because he can. The only thing is he doesn't realize that I am trying to save him from not only the other dangers out there in the world but most of all I am trying to save him from himself. He can't understand or doesn't want to understand that this world just isn't as easy as it looks to him. Well come to find out he has a girlfriend and that is why he hasn't been coming home or is out all night. Ok doesn't sound that bad if you know my son and the things he has done in the past. PROBLEM IS: 1. She is 19 and 2. she has a baby. Now we are talking about my kid who can't get himself up in the morning or pick up his socks. What would she want with him? I guess I just don't get it. But people say WHY? why would you let him do this. Because I DON"T RULE THE WORLD. Believe me I do what I can but I can't do it all. If the world went the way I wanted it would be peaceful and everyone would be disease free and there would be enough money to go around so we could all spend our free time in the mall. But sorry to say I don't rule the world as hard as I might try.

The diet is going well I think. I have been working with some really low fat and high fiber foods trying different things so I don't get bored. With working almost 50 hours a week there really isn't time. Not making excuses but if you know my life and how busy I am you would understand. Believe me what I do for a living it is excersize in itself. The lifting and tugging and the sweating alone. I will be at the WW meeting for sure this week.

Love life update: NONE

I haven't really had the time to spend as much time w/ my friends lately. Yeah I see Taryl and Amy at work but it isn't the same. Taryl is the one I spend most of my free time with though. I miss Chrissy and Barb though. They were who I have spent the past 5 years with. I really miss them and have to find some time for them. But I miss my girl Kristen the most. She is the most fun to be around all together. :)

Well I am off to my new addiction. Online Monopoly. Then the shows. 90210 and Biggest Loser. Talk to you soon

Friday, October 10, 2008

Flying Freely

Hello all,

Sorry it has been so long. I have been busy busy busy.

I stayed over time at work last night so I was unable to make it to the WW meeting so no update for now. I have been really good though so I feel great.

I have been flying freely this week just doing my thing. I need my free time that is when I am the happiest. It's not the healthiest lifestyle but it is what works for me. I love spending time with my friends where things are carefree. I love dancing to music, drinking my beer and just relaxing.

I went w/ Taryl to Mike's the coworkers house on Thursday night and then I slept at my friend Dave's. Don't ask. I won't tell. Most likely because it just simply doesn't make much sense. I like spenidng time w/ Dave. He is a bit unusual to say the least but his conversations amuse me.

Tonight I am off to my cousin Jesse's house which always proves to be a blast.

I will be back on tomorrow. Talk to you then

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Reflecting on the priority I pushed aside

I was reflecting like usual today about the things in the past that I have either put aside or let slip through my hands because I wanted to focus on other things.

I made it a PRIORITY to be:
1. A great mother to my son and give him what I could in all aspects. I did the best I could and it truly wasn't all that bad.

2. A good daughter to my parents who truly under appreciate what I do on a daily basis. I have been a wife to my father in the aspects of cooking, cleaning and helping with anything else he needs. I have been a crutch to my mother emotionally and physically. I have taken their abuse over the years because I excepted them for who they were and knew I couldn't change them.

3. A sister as well as a friend to both of my sisters. Rough roads have been put long behind us but it wasn't always either with both of them. One much easier than the other.

4. A fully involved family member to my ENTIRE extended family. I show up to everything, I answer the phone when it rings, I run when they need me no matter what they are asking. I have done things for my family members that I didn't think I had the strength to do. I don't regret any of it for a moment. Only wish at times they same was done for me.

5. The best friend I could be. I am HIGH maintenance as my friends say so it takes some work to hang with me for the long haul. LMFAO. I do what I can. I am there for the laughs, the tears, the heartaches that they think no one understands. We raise our kids together, party together and more. I love my friends and have always cherished them. And I have to be honest and say they do the same for me. They are my rock !!!

6. I am a great worker. I am there when they need me and more importantly I am there when they don't even know they need me. I put in my best at work and never half ass anything I have ever done. I excel at every job I have ever done.

All in all I have made the other people in my life a priority. The one thing that has never been a priority to me is in fact ME. Some may call me selfish, self centered and many other things. But the people who think those things don't know the real me. They know the me they have created in my mind. I have always thought of others before myself. I didn't know I could say NO to some of them for many years. So when I did learn the word and started thinking of me people didn't like it.

When it came to being a mother I put my son first. I was under the impression that it was how it was supposed to be. I put dating pn the back back back burner for the last 17 yrs of my life. Yes, I have dated but never with any real intentions of making it last forever. My son always required more attention. I didn't want to date and get fully involved with someone because of the fear they would never love him the way I did or understand why I did what I did for him. He was always going to be my number one. So if a man didn't like his behaviors or attitude I wasn't ever going to let them in. Not that I have like his behaviors or attitudes either but they are his and I have to deal with them because I am his mother. This was my life and if some man wasn't willing to walk in with an open mind it was never going to work. And believe me there are times I find it hard to deal with my son or to love him. So I would never expect anyone else to.

But today I realized it has to be about me sooner or later. I am not getting any younger here. I deserve to be loved, to have time to myself and to have a career not just a job.

I have let others influence my decisions because at times it seemed best. I gave up my love life and my career for my son. I wanted and needed to be available for him. He requires lots of attention in that way. School meetings, doctors appointment, psych appointments and court dates to say the least.

I am making a step towards making it about ME. I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle, I am ready to date and find HIM, I am ready to relax and most of all I am ready to find a new career position.

I have heard negative feedback from people that it always comes back to ME. That I think everything is about me. Well if you look at the facts it hasn't always been about me. Yes, I take my vacations alone now and go over nights alone. Because I get to, because I deserve to. Nobody sits home on the weekends and says " Oh, Gwen has nothing to do so I will just stay home". Please I don't think so.

I am alive and chose to live. I chose to be me. As imperfect as that might be. I am not perfect I have flaws and I except them. I am who I am

I am my own PRIORITY for now on.

The People who matter most

Here are some pics of the everyday people in my life who make me smile. Some of the simple things in life are the best things to enjoy with the people who you love and love you back. These are my people. LOL

I love the kids who still enjoy life and smile at the smallest things. Their smiles keep me focused somedays on positive things that may have tried to slip my mind.

Then you have my sister and friends who get me and let me be me. That takes a lot of work.

Pictures that make me smile

I wanted to share some old and new pics that make me smile. Pics that remind me of who I am. I can't be anyone else for someone else I can only be me. And believe me I know my lifestyle is not for everyone but I have to live and don't want to sit around waiting for life to happen. I am naturally a social person and love to be out and about and living the life I was given. I love my friends and I love the times we have out. So I wanted to share some pics with you of times from the past that reflect on who I AM.

Knee is holding me down

I have tried to do a little working out today but my knee is holding me down. I actually did a little jogging the other day and the pressure proved to be too much for my little knee to handle. So I opted for some floor excerises and dumbells. It just doesn't feel the same as power walking and sweating it out.

Two more days till the big weigh in and the scale obsessed person that I am has weighed myself. And NOTHING. I read online that you should only weigh yourself once a week because seeing the negative numbers can be a setback mentally. But I just can't resist the urge. I will try to stay positive and focused and see what happens.

One day at a time right? We shall see what Thursday night brings. I have been eating good and doing some working out but not my normal. I only drank once this week and that is a big thing for me. I usually can find any reason to drink but as my sister recently said in a card bad foods and alcohol can really be a bad combo.

When times were simple...or at least easier than now

I was looking through pictures today which I tend to do a lot. I like to look through them and remember the days back when. The days I thought were tough and tiring but now seem so simple and easy.

The days when I was younger and thinner and had the energy to keep up with my son. The energy to chase him and play with him.

Most most of all I like to remember the days when we did things together and laughed and just simply enjoyed our time together. Maybe someday he will grow up and appreciate these moments too.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Monday Maybe???

Is it Monday? What time is it and what time did I get here? ARRRGG!!! I was woken up this morning at 3:15 am for no reason other than people being loud and inconsiderate to the fact that others are actually sleeping. I started to doze off at around 5 am only to be woken up at 5:14 by the smoke detector. Then dozed off again only to be woken up by my less than enjoyable alarm clock at 5:45. WHY? Because I was not meant to sleep I guess. Thank God I don't need beauty sleep right? Well I am up and ready to face the day.

I am feeling good this week about my diet and workout routine. I am focusing on the positive and releasing as much negative as I can. My life is HIGHLY unstable so I have to embrace each moment for what it is. For every two positive things that happen at least one negative does. But if I let the bad things keep me down I will never be happy. I will never be healthy. So screw it all I am going to TRY and be happy today. What more can a girl do besides try?

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Update from Saturday 10.04.08

Today marked the fourth year anniversary of the passing of my cousin Dee. So I would like to take a few minutes to reflect on my memories of her.

When I think of Dee I think happy thoughts of a time that will never be replayed. She was my older cousin, my other sister and one of my best friends. We did a lot together through the years that will forever be in my heart and mind. Most importantly we raised our kids together. We vacationed together in Maine every year both loving the beach and watching our two kids run in the waves and play like siblings. We went out together with our friends and laughed until we cried. Dee got a divorce quickly after the birth of her daughter and I walked beside her and wiped her tears. And over the MANY heartbreaks and disappointments I went through she was there for me.
She was a large part of my life and when she died on Ovarian Cancer on 10.04.04 my life was changed forever. My son suffered, I suffered and the family as a whole suffered. But as if losing her was not enough we lost her daughter Jessica to her evil step mother and unloving father. For four years she was taken from us and placed in and out of mental facilities and group homes. But I am glad to say she is HOME now and with our family. Jessica is doing incredible in the wake of what happened to her entire world. She is living with my cousin Jay and best friend Kristen, she is going to college and working full time. This girl is simply a SURVIVOR. She is amazing and carries on her mothers spirit. She too like her mother embraces life and lives it. She is a firecracker. Looking at Jessica and watching her is like having a piece of Dee back. Within Jessica is her mother and that makes these past four years bearable.
So today I write with a smile on my face. Today and each day the passing of Dee gets easier. I love her and miss her. And I will never forget our 32 years together.
Four seconds, four minutes, four hours, four months now four years. FOURever in my heart.

Update from Friday night 10.03.08

Friday was so unexpected. I went to work and all the girls were talking about going out for drinks. I had no intentions on it since I spent Thursday night out at Daves and was tired. I work and came home and went to Guitar Center with the kid. My cell was ringing off the hook so needless to say eventually I went out.
I met Taryl and Mike at the Pump House for one drink. Literally one. Mike was wasted to say the least. So we decided to venture to Lynda's where they play dance music. At this point Mike feels the need to dance it out and show his stuff. LMFAO So we are walking to Lynda's and I remember that our friend Sarah just moved into an apartment on Main St. Thankfully we find it and head up there. I think at this point our dear friend Mike could use a breather. Or more like the town needed some time to prepare for his arrival.
Lets just review a thing or two so that you understand. Mike is the guy who does maintenance at work. He is the go to guy for almost anything. I love him to death. He helps me out most mornings by setting up all of my work stuff so I can just walk LATE and work. He is sweet and honest and QUIET. Or so I thought. For over a year I have worked with this guy and he barely says a word to any of us. He is a love I tell ya.
As we have come to find out he is like that only at work. Once he is out and finds a bottle of Bacardi Razz it is on. All of a sudden he is a dancer, a singer, a fighter and so much more. Man I long for the quiet Mike.
So we are out at Sarahs and decided it might just be time to head out again. So we all pack up and head to Lynda's. Again another short lived visit. Mike isn't the typical guy you would find in these bars. He is white and dresses hip hop I guess you would say. These bars are dark and shady and have the lizards in them that have been there since your parents went there many years ago. So needless to say at every point of the night somebody had something sarcastic to say to Mike. Well that doesn't go over well I am telling you. People almost flew off of balconies a few times. LOL
So ok I must come up with another plan. Sarah and I decide to grab some beers and head back to her place. That way it will just be all of us friends and Mike will be able to relax. This proves to be one of the better ideas of the night.
We drank and danced and laughed and all the other good stuff. Then BAM in an instant I screwed it up. One thing leads to another and with the help of many beers and shots I am pressed against the wall by Mike. Shit I can see it coming but can't fight my way out of the whole thought process. So there I am making out with Mike.
Do I like Mike like that. NO to the HELL NO. He is my friend and my coworker and NOTHING more. But I figure we are drunk and it won't matter in the morning. WRONG again Gwen.
He called three times on Saturday. Never called before now three calls in a day. WTF right? Well hopefully he can be cool and act normal at work because I simply can't deal with men and stress at work. It was some kisses simply kisses so lets just get past it and move on.
Men have been moving on for years so I think it is ok to kiss and sleep with someone (fully dressed in bed, SLEEPING) and not feel any connection or responsiblity in the morning. Please let this pass. LMFAO

Friday, October 3, 2008

Go Me !!!

Ok, so the scale was kinder this week. Took of the same exact 5lbs that I gained last week. I was hoping for a good 6 lbs so that I would have a bonus pound but what can you do right? One ounce at a time. If I set myself to believe I was going to wake up and be skinny I would wake up to shear disappointment every single day. I will take a loss each week and I mean any loss. If it goes down I will smile. If it goes up I am picking up the scale and throwing at the mean lady who writes the numbers down.

Up up and away. Off with the pounds. Its a new week and new motivation. Wish me luck

Thursday, October 2, 2008

The big day has arrived. Hopefully not Bigger. LOL

Today is the big weigh in at WW. I have convinced myself that I had a pretty good week. I think I recovered from the bad food choices I made over the weekend. I worked out w/ my man Billy Banks, did upper body work w/ the 5lb weights and walked about 10 miles this week. Maybe more I cant be sure. I just know it wasn't as much as usual. But all in all I think it was a good recovery.

I have started putting more work into finding a perfect workout routine that I can do without my friends. Sometimes they just can't make it or their schedule doesn't work with mine. One of my famous excuses is that I don't like to walk or workout alone. I am slowly overcoming that idea though. I now will walk outside alone without the fear of being struck by a car or kidnapped. Sorry peeps but I am cute someone might want to take me. LOL

I am trying to incorporate more vegetables into my diet and drink the gallon of water a day. All I can say is " I AM TRYING". I figure anything more than I was doing before has to be a good thing right?

Amy and Beth my twin WW partners can't join me tonight. I could not go and wait until next week but that won't help. I have skipped weeks before and that leads to me quitting all together. I am going and I am getting on that evil scale, paying my $12 and hoping for the best.

I will let you all know how it turns out.

BTW.... due to the overwhelming stress I have broken down to daily smoking again. I am hoping to give them back up again soon. I am going to need some more Chantix though. Quitting smoking is harder than giving up buffalo wings believe me.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

This shit shut me down

I have no idea why but it shut me down mid type. LOL

Anyways he is looking at 7 to 10 days of inpatient juvie. Not what I worked so hard at avoiding but exactly what he fed into. He fought the system and everyone who tried to help him. This could be the only thing to save him. This could make or break him. I just don't know anymore. I tried as hard as I could and don't know anywhere else to turn for help.

I am at a loss on this one. It is out of my hands.

I am over tired and off to bed. More in the am.

I know you waited but wait till you read all of this

Well I have really been trying hard to get online and update everyone on what is getting to me now. It was not an easy day yesterday to say the least. Putting up with my oh so perfect impatient mother is simply not that easy. She knows everything and never has to listen to the other side. Why would she bother when she already knows?

I knew exactly what the meeting at school was going to be about. My son has been on probation for a while. That means a lot of things. He has to go to school, he has to have a curfew, he has to be good all around. He simply WILL NOT do these things. His life is far from hard. Believe me I know the kid is spoiled rotten and there is no pill in the world that will fix that.

We have done two years of court, counseling and medication management. I have spent countless hours on the phone and in emails trying to get this kid help. But if you are part of the whole MIDDLE AMERICAN world there really isn't that much available to you. Living in the country somehow entitles you to a brand of persons you aren't even aware of. This town is known to be well off. But believe me alot of people aren't. Our kids have the same problems as inner city kids but we just don't have the resources. BELIEVE me I tried everything available and still got no help.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Not such a great afternoon

The meeting at my son's school was less than perfect. The afternoon trying to explain things to his overbearing less than understanding grandmother was worse. If any of you have ever met my mother you will understand what I am saying. The boy can do no wrong in her eyes. It is all about the whole world is out to get him and has done him wrong. Hmmm, why didn't I realize that too? This could have been a lot easier the past two years. I must have just wanted to make it harder on MYSELF and struggle with being a mother. She is so smart, I have to try to learn more from her I tell ya. Her excuses may just be the reason he is the way he is. Everyone is out to get her poor little defenseless grandson. It couldn't be that he has rebelled and refused to conform to any type of rules and guidlines. Man, I have way to much to learn in one afternoon from this wise woman. I have a headache and need to lay down but I will try to get back on later to explain if not I will be on in the am.

GOD give me the strength I tell ya

Early morning Tuesday thoughts

It's just a typical Tuesday morning for me. I am up and at em way too early. I am not much of a sleeper I would say. I go to bed early and doze off and on until around 5 a.m and then HERE I AM World. LOL

I wish I could sleep, I wish I could rest soundly without the weight of the world on my shoulders. There is just constantly someone needing something from me or something that needs to be done and it appears only I can do it. What about this??? Sometimes I need a break too.

I can't always be the best mother, best daughter, best sister, best aunt or best friend. Sometimes I just need to be alone and be free from the stress and shit the outside world brings. I actually enjoy being alone at times. I like to listen to music and reflect on things. I am a thinker although sometimes and over thinker. I need peace in order to process and prioritze things in my life. I don't need constant stimulation and conversation. I just need a moment. I feel like when I try to take a moment there are others who can't accept it and need me to be talking to them, sitting with them or explaining things to them. Sometimes I just need my alone time.

At this moment I would love to be on the beach or the balcony of a hotel on the beach. I want to be alone listening to the ocean. No thoughts no worries. Just time. No hurry. Just relax and reflect. I wouldn't mind the sound of some music in the background as I close my eyes and RELAX by myself. This is where I would like to be. Where would you like to be?

Well today is one of those days where I wake up stressed beyond belief. My arm numb, head banging and need to work things out quickly. I have to process things clearly and be on my toes. I am sure I will be back on later to vent some more.

Hope your morning is going better than mine.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Monday Morning Reflections

Well today is Monday and I have just gotten off the scale and want to strangle myself for the self abusive overeating I have allowed myself over the weekend. I think to myself that if I workout and walk everyday the buffalo wings and shit I eat won't effect my weight loss. Man sometimes I can really manipulate my own thinking. Now I have four days to catch up on everything and lose some weight. I have already done multiple sets of upper body with my 5lb dumb bells. I have Tai Bo in the VCR ready to go. I just wanted to finish blogging and updating all of my emails and webpages. SHIT SHIT SHIT. I am an ass.

Well the walk went better than I expected. We raised more money than last year. That is a great thing considering how slow it all started and ended. I put 10 months into fundraising for Walk for Dee a year and every single year people step up in the beginning and say they are walking , raising money or both. But in the end it is never those people who are there in the end. Except for Kristen and Tracy who walk every year. But surprisingly this year Jessica Rondeau and Kim Jacques joined me. Also my two neices Jessica and Michelle joined in and brought some friends. I think everyone was excited to have accomplished this. They all had smiles on their faces and I believe they will be back next year ready to go. I appreciate it all the spirit was better than ever thanks to the teens. Jay and Taryl did a great job too. We shall see if they will be back next year. LOL We did have a few suspicious people who told us they were raising money and training for the walk and didn't show up. I HOPE they have the morals and respect to submit the money they raised to the walk to cure cancer and DO NOT keep it. This would be a TRUE disappointment to say the least. Many people pull from the bottom of their pockets to be able to donate to our team. And if anyone has raised money with the intention on keeping it for themselves PLEASE do the right thing. This is a BAD reflection on our team. There are a lot of honest people out there so I have faith that our team will do the right thing. At least the ones I walk with. Thanks to everyone again who donated or walked.

My son is a pain in the ass still. He asked for a ride to Worcester and I asked him 10 times if he had a ride home. Over and over with frustration he said he did. He acts like I am the asshole for not believing him and asking over and over. Well the truth was he didn't have a ride and called me in the middle of my walk saying he was stranded and needed a ride. TOO BAD. Sometimes these teenagers need to see what consequenses there are to their lies. I was busy and not all that worried to be honest. He got lucky and his grandmother went to get him. I hope this kid starts to figure out that he needs to fly straight and start doing something positive with his life. I can only do so much for him but I refuse to give in to his every beck and call. I have my own life that he has continued to effect in not such a positive way. I still have to live and work and do things for others. He needs to really take a second to see that there is more to life than his selfish ways. Tomorrow we have a meeting at school to discuss all kinds of things. I will fill you in after that.

Well I really have to get dressed and work out with Billy Banks. I feel like a fat ass and need to punish myself for what I did this weekend. Talk to you soon my friends

Walk for Dee 2008 completed

Team Walk for Dee completed the five mile walk to Cure Cancer at Umass Medical Center in Worcester, Ma. yesterday.

Thank you Jessica Rondeau, Kim Jacques, Jeremy Pepin, Michelle Pepin, Michele Borowski, Jonnie Biffle, Jessica Durling, Tracy Spencer, Taryl Myers and Kristen Edwards for walking as part of my team this year.

This years team total of $1856 was better than last years total of $1598 so that in itself is a great accomplishment. Every dollar counts and with a great support team anything is possible. We still have donations rolling in over the next couple of weeks from people who were unable to attend or donate as of yet. The below mentioned website is open to except donations until November 30th 2008 and we hope this will bring in additional donations as well.

Again, thank you all for your donations and to all of you who chose to walk as part of my team. Bigger and better things happen each year.


Gwen Bultron

Team Leader

Walk for Dee