Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Ok Ok I know I know

I know I promised to get back on track w/ this blog but yesterday was so full of activities I just couldn't get back online.

I went to the gym, cleaned the house, did laundry, marinated meat for dinner, had company arrive then went hiking. Came home cooked dinner and had more company. I insist of living life while it is happening so I embraced it and visited and relaxed the best I could. I am not one to fully relax but damn it I tried. Even my son came to visit and that in itself is a full story.

So off to work I go, then testing a new tip to get me to the gym. Shower, cook supper, clean and then hopefully blog. I am doing the best I can but I have so much to fill you in on so I have to sit and start somewhere.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Ghost writer may be in the works.........LOL

I promise when I get home today I am going to do what I can to update you on my life. I swear if one more person tells me to write a book I am going to search down a ghost writer and do it. My life is something like others have never seen. So much of it I am working on changing but I would never give up the past. Whether painful or not it made me who I am. And I am not all that uncomfortable w/ my less than perfect self. Life can be overwhelming, depressing, stressful and all those negative things. But the good times far outweigh the bad. Dance , laugh, live and love people. I know I will. Be back on after the sweatfest at the gym.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Wow has it really been that long????

I really can't believe it has been this long since I have last logged on. Life has been amazingly crazy. Way too much to write at one time but I promise to get back on here and update anyone who actually still logs on here to see whats up.

I have lost some weight, just joined a weight loss challenge today. GO ME....... been to rehab and back only to find I truly don't want to quit drinking and / or it just isn't the right time. My son moved out.................long story and still too stressed to talk about it. The thought alone numbs my arm. Same job, no love life....................fundraising still. I will be back on after the cancer walk. I really need to stay focused on my fundraising efforts until then.

I am not embarrassed or ashamed to openly BEG for donations to my walk to raise both money and awareness for cancer research. The shame would be in doing nothing and expecting something. I made a committment 5 years ago to fight the good fight in honor and memory of those I have loved and lost to the horrible disease of CANCER.
Fighting Cancer is an ongoing fight and it takes millions of people to get out there and spread the word and raise the $$$ so that someday we may find a cure.
So please help spread the word for TEAM WALK FOR DEE. We will be walking at the UMASS WALK FOR A CURE on Sunday September 13, 2009 in Worcester, Ma.
Every dollar counts. Please do what you can.
Thank you in advance,
Gwen BultronTeam Leader - Walk for Dee

Monday, March 2, 2009

Hoping for a mini miracle during this economic crisis

I have been actively fundraising for team WALK for DEE for over a month now. To date not one donation has been recieved nor any new walkers recruited. I am trying to remain positive but am feeling really down about the lack of support. Each year I push to make the team more successful but feel like I am the only one pushing. It is heart breaking really. When you put so much effort and heart into something that means so much to you and you just feel alone it SUCKS.

I know times are hard and most of us are in a financial slump but there is always a way if you have the will. Every dollar counts towards this important cause. Cancer awareness and research is VERY IMPORTANT. Millions of lives are lost as well as impacted by this horrible disease.

The Umass Medical Center's Walk to Cure Cancer has become more successful with each passing year. So much has been accomplished to date. Here are some amazing facts as listed on their website:

Since the Walk to Cure Cancer began on Labor Day in 1999, passionate teams of walkers, formed by unions and their members from across the state, businesses and community supporters, have been instrumental in helping the UMass Memorial Cancer Center flourish from an idea to reality. Each year, as they set off from the starting line, walkers witnessed a changing landscape on the campus of the University of Massachusetts Medical School: from a groundbreaking in 1999, to girders outlining a structure in 2000 and finally a gleaming ten-story research facility, completed in 2001.

Since the Walk to Cure Cancer began on Labor Day in 1999, passionate teams of walkers, formed by unions and their members from across the state, businesses and community supporters, have been instrumental in helping the UMass Memorial Cancer Center flourish from an idea to reality. Each year, as they set off from the starting line, walkers witnessed a changing landscape on the campus of the University of Massachusetts Medical School: from a groundbreaking in 1999, to girders outlining a structure in 2000 and finally a gleaming ten-story research facility, completed in 2001.

In the ten years since the Walk began, the UMass Memorial Cancer Center has made great strides in its efforts to find a cure for cancer and has achieved major breakthroughs in understanding and treating non-Hodgkins lymphoma, leukemia and prostate, breast, colon, pancreatic and stomach cancers.

I am hoping people will find it in their hearts and/ or wallets to walk as part of Team WALK FOR DEE or spread the link to others. Online donations are quick and easy. As well as tax deductible. Who couldn't use a tax deduction right? It is as easy as spreading the cause to everyone you know. Please pass the links on to your family and friends and help us raise amazing amounts of $$ towards this important cause.


Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentines Day ????????

Valentines day is that day where the one you love is supposed to take an extra step to show you how much they love you. Why only one day a year? I never understood it. Isn't love something that should be shown 365 days a year? Why is it the one day where most men run around searching for some meaningless object to show a reflection of their effections. Do roses and candy mean love? I don't believe it does.
Valentines day was fun in grade school where you waited for that special boy to give you the tiny envelope asking you to be his. It was pure innocence and it was fun. Then as a teenager you wait for something special from your first love to show a sign that this is the one. He wants to be with you forever. Forever? Well back then you believe it means forever. Then as an adult you wait for your special someone to show up and bring you something of meaning. I guess it just changes as you do over the years.
I see Valentines day as a day of reflection. A time to reflect on your past, present and future loves. I think back to Dominic C in second grade. Every little girl waited for his card and I always got it. Cute huh? Then in high school when Justin said he loved me forever and would never leave. Huh? When did forever end so soon? Then as an adult I reflect at the latest versions of love and wonder why did I waste my time.
But believe me I am not bitter about Valentines Day. Good for those of you lucky ones who have found your true ONE and that everlasting love that little girls dream of.
I only feel bad for those who have settled down with the one we WANT to be that one. The one we HOPE will turn into that one. I myself would rather be alone than to be with someone I see as my only option. I would rather spend the day with my family and friends showing love. Shit I would rather spend a day reading books and watching movies by myself than to be in a clouded version of a relationship. A relationship with no future but only the hope that someday it will turn around.
Whatever, I just had to write this down. I had to share my thoughts. Happy Valentines Day to those of you who are with the right one. And for those of you in those shitty relationships I hope you can see through the rose colored glasses you are wearing and say to yourself " Next year I will be with THE ONE". Don't settle for someone rather than no one. Love yourself. Cook yourself a nice dinner. Shit buy yourself some flowers and treat yourself right.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Team Walk for Dee 2009

Today kicked off our fifth annual team WALK FOR DEE fundraising effort.
Team Walk for Dee started walking back in September of 2005 in honor of Doreen Pepin Durling who lost her 11 year battle with Ovarian Cancer. To this day she is dearly loved and missed. Dee was an amazing mother, sister, daughter, friend, cousin and more. I started this team to keep her name and memory fresh.
Now team Walk for Dee also walks in memory of Ronnie Pepin and Maria Caraballo who also both fought and lost their battles with Brain Cancer. Also Barbara Spencer who is in remission with Lung Cancer and Robert Pepin who is continuing his fight with Brain Cancer. These are our family members but we also walk with the knowledge that many others have fought and continue to fight Cancer. Many others have been effected by this horrible disease. We raise money for all families who have been effected by Cancer and all the other families who might be in the future.
Please check out our fundraising page @ http://www.firstgiving.com/gwendolynbultron3
We believe every dollar counts and any and all contributions will be greatly appreciated. Please spread the word and the link in hopes of assisting us w/ our fundraising goals.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Its all working out

It's been a while since I last updated and it could be a little while till I get back. I have been putting most of my focus on ME. I am living the ARE YOU READY lifestyle. I also joined the family's worship group on Monday nights. I am trying to be more open about where I am in life and seeing if I am ready for that change as well. I am not saying I am but I am pretty open to learning more. Not much more is going on. Just truly trying to focus on my weight loss journey and doing the worked that is involved in winning. I am online most days w/ my buddies on Mytrainerbob.com sharing stories and words of encouragement with them. It is a great support system and I love putting my energy and time into it. It is all working out and I am starting to really enjoy life..........

Monday, February 2, 2009

Upcoming life changes for 2009

Some of you are wondering what has taken me so long to update this blog. And as much as I love blogging and sharing my life with everyone, I have come to realize that I have to take the time to focus on me. While focusing on me I mean reading, writing, journaling and making some much needed changes in my life. There are so many changes happening to me personally and so many more to come. I will be letting go of some parts of my past and present and replacing them with new healthier things. People , places and things that are no longer a positive force in my life will slowly be removed. I have to take the time to put myself in a much more peaceful and healthier place. Sounds crazy but I have been on a journey emotionally lately and am now seeing things through clear glass and not the foggy ones I have always worn.
The first and most important change of 2009 is my new " Are you ready" lifestyle change. Each day I am learning more about the reasons and the ways I have always eaten. Ways that got me to the weight that I am today. This is far from my biggest but still far from my goal. I am working at it one day at a time and one pound at a time. This is not a race to the goal it is a learning experience that leads to the ultimate goal of a healthier lifestyle. I know people such as myself are looking for quick and speedy results. But with reading and educating myself I have learned that slow and steady win the race. It is not healthy to lose excessive amounts of weight in a short time. It will come back and bring friends. I have also learned to accept my failures in the past and to move forward. I no longer lie to myself and say I am doing my best when I clearly am not. So at this point I am 15 lbs down for the month of January and looking forward to more weight loss in February. This is my year and I am ready. Hopefully you are supporting me in this journey and if your not I know it is of no fault of mine. I am in this for me and in it to win it. GO ME !!!
Not much has really been going on in my life besides focusing on my weight loss and lifestyle change goals. Life has been pretty mellow and calming besides the common battles such as the lack of $$$, lack of love and the lack of medical care. I am hoping 2009 will turn around so that those issues can be resolved.
The Kid: He managed yet again to bring home a report card with all B's. This has been an amazing year for him academically. Emotionally he still has a lot to work on but for him each day is a learning experience too.
Love Life: None to speak of. I don't think I really mind all that much because I have to take care of me before I can put in the effort to take care of someone else. Like any human there are times I want the human touch and companionship but not enough to cry about it.
Work: Same ole drama different day. Nothing ever changes there but I have fun with my friends. The busy season is on its way so I will soon be working full time again and be able to catch up on the bills that are piling up.
Friends: Their all cool I guess. Some of them love me and accept me most of the time but hate when I tell them how I feel. I am honest and sometimes my buffer comes off. So be it. If anyone is going to tell you the truth it is much better to come from a friend who loves you and wants the best from you. I've had to hear my fair share of shit too. Get over it and move on. I love you all to death even if I am a bit of a bitch. I get to have an opinion even if it differs from yours. Thats what makes us different people and the person that we are.
I am patiently waiting for my taxes to come back so I can plan my May 2009 trip to Cancun. Come Hell or high water I am going. I need a break. All of my friends say " Oh, I wish I could afford to go". Well guess what people you couldn't afford it the last ten years and you can't afford it this year. But if you wait for the $$$ to grow on trees so that you can RELAX and RECHARGE you will be dead. I have to live while I am alive. I need to leave reality for a few days and take ME time. The bills will be there when I leave and more when I return. It will happen, they will get paid and I will be on the Hot Ass Sandy beach in CANCUN............LMFAO

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

My dedication to my friend Jim........Oh Pally Pal

I just wanted and needed to take a minute to give THANKS to my friend/ brother in law Jim. Jim is a great man who puts up with A LOT. To know Jim is to know his strength and tolerance for all kinds of shit. Or better yet things that smell of shit. He laughs most things off where most of us would pack up and wave goodbye. (see pic left).
But on a more serious note Jim has always been giving and kind to me. He always backs me up when I am getting bossed around and pushed against a wall. For that I am thankful. She is a handful I tell ya.
Jim has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone. And if/ when there ever comes a time I can be there for him I will do it.
But I think all in all we understand each other. We share one thing in common besides the love of beer and wings. Danielle !!! And that is something no one person should have to handle alone.
Thanks Jim for being you and thanks for doing all you do. May there be many more laughs and beer and wings at Buff's. The good times will roll on forever.............Ok if you can stay with her that long. Just kidding.
Love ya Jim

Friday, January 16, 2009

Change it is a coming........

Things are going so good lately that being the negaholic I am, I am just sitting here waiting for the ball to drop. I will take every good day for what it is and move forward hoping it stays this way.

I have lost 10 lbs so far as of 01.02.09 and am going full steam ahead. I am heading to Watertown for the weekend to be educated on calorie counting and working out. I am psyched that my sister bought me the Bob Harper " Are you ready?" book. I only hear great things about it and can't wait to start reading it.

Love Life: None and ok with that for now. I have other things to focus on and don't need the distraction.

Son: Doing great in both school and home.

Friends: All doing great and I love em all

Job: Slow and hours have been cut so there is basically no income coming in right now. Far from making ends meet but hoping things will turn around soon

I am super excited about Barack Obama and can't wait to watch him on Tuesday. I believe he is going to bring some much needed changes.

Off for now feel free to comment if you will.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Staying focused on the positive and good

I have really been focused lately on a few things. I am overly focused on Bob Harper the physical trainer from Biggest Loser. He is so motivational and inspiring. I joined his online group as well as his new online blog. There is so much information available to keep you focused and rearing to go. You really should check his sites out and see if he can inspire you the way he has for many. Also he has a new book out called " Are you ready?" I hear it is very MOTIVATING. I can't wait to get my copy. I LOVE BOB...........
Here are a couple of his links:
And thanks to my lovely niece Shanise I am now addicted to the Twilight book series. You really should pick them up it is not what you expect from a vampire series. I did not want to read it and she knew it so she got me the book for Christmas. Out of love for her I opened the first page and was instantly drawn in. It rocks so check it out
The diet is going really well. I have remained focused and strong. I am tempted daily since I have an extreme love of food. I also live in a house full of unhealthy foods that are visible and tempting. I work with food and have the habit of grabbing a fry or chicken tender without thinking. But this week I have been strong and focused on living a healthier lifestyle. One day at a time

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Nothing New over here

There is absolutely nothing going on over here. Work is slower than slow. I worked 7 hrs yesterday and we only had 10 tables. That is the worse I have ever seen it. I am glad I am a cook and not a waitress. At least I am making money right?

I did manage to lose 6 lbs this week on my first week of dieting. It is so hard to stay focused in a house full of tempting fatty foods. I went to the market and bought all greens , chicken and fish. I know how to cook flavorful foods that are low fat. However, my mother went to the market and bought so much junk food that it is hanging off the entertainment center. They say never to have these foods where you can see them , that way you won't be tempted. In this house it is all you can see. Wish me luck over here won' t ya? Love Life: None. I am not going looking this time. Let it find me if it was meant to be. I don't want to settle for the first man that comes along out of the wrong reasons. I want it to mean something more this time. I would rather be alone than be with a man simply because he is there. This blog is acting up today and refusing to let me space between the subjects. I will try again later

Monday, January 5, 2009

Oh my friends. How do you do what you do

So here it is. I have spent some time recently with most of my FRIENDS. And I mean friends. The ones who stick by me despite my multiple mood swings. My absolute bitchiness and all the other crazy things that come with being my friend.

I am aware of my friendships and how different they are. I have come to appreciate each one for the uniqueness that they bring into my life. All of my friends are different yet somehow the same. You connect with people for different reasons. I have friends I cry to, ones I bitch to, ones I love to drink with and even some I like to sit and say nothing to. They are all the best friends you could ever ask for. And I APPRECIATE them all.

Kris, you have been around so long I don't even remember how long it has been. You are a freak to say the least. You were this innocent little thing when I first met you and WOW what a blooming maniac you have become. Those nights in Worcester chasing Derek were unforgettable. The love you have shown me and the brat is incredible. You are forever more than a friend. You are the one our mother had to give away because she knew it would be way too much putting up with both of us full time. You are the little sister I never had to kick around. You are almost as cool as me. And almost as nuts now. LMFAO It may be the fact that I set you up with my cousin and that you are now kneaded into my crazy family like a pretzel. SO SORRY............. I just couldn't do it alone. When I am with you my stomach hurts a lot. It could be the stomach wormy, the beers, the food or the laughs. I am not sure but either way I would not trade them in. You get me and that is NOT easy. Thanks

Barb, I can't really recall how many years you have been in my life but I do remember that days events. We laughed so hard one of us actually pissed. LMFAO and for how ever many years we have been friends we have had many a damp days. Your family is like an extended part of mine. I am glad you have shared them with me. We have gone through so much with our lives and we have been there for each other through it all. Someday the days will be easy again where we can just relax and have no worries. Someday just not today. You get me too but you don't give into me as easily as you know who. You don't give into my demands and whining ways. I sure wish you did. Thank you for always being there and thanks for not letting me lay in bed on those days I really really wanted to. You have picked me up so many times and for that I THANK YOU

Chrissy, oh Chrissy. What a wonderful friend you have been. This man has his own wife (see Barb) and somehow he has been stuck with me. He listens to me cry, laugh, babble, slur and all the other great things I do. He never shuts me off however he does have to put me in my place from time to time. You always need a friend to refocus your way of thinking. I love those days on the porch listening to the same songs over and over. Listening to them each time like it was the first. May God Bless you for putting up with me all these years. Thank God you have all those muscles as they have kept you strong when other men would have crumbled and become weak after listening to my mouth. Thank you for everything. You are the best

Amy, you were the unexpected friend I didn't see coming. You are so raw and honest. You have been since the first day I met you and you threw your whole life story at me. To know you is to love you and that is a fact my friend. You are the WORST peace builder I have ever seen though. You are one of the strongest people I know. When most people would fallen on their knees and asked "WHY ME?" you just push ahead and try to see the positive side. You deserve happiness and if I could buy it for you I would. Stay strong and things will come your way. You are my ANA NICOLE and I am always here for you no matter what. Our times together are full of laughing and dancing and sometimes the well needed tears. I didn't ask for you or expect you but I am KEEPING you no matter what. Thanks for being my friend

Danielle, my sister, my bud, my pal. I have loved you for almost 37 years. It wasn't until recently that I truly understood what you meant to me. I always knew you were my sister and you had no choice. But now you are my FRIEND. We have shared so many good and bad memories together. Shit we have the same F$cked up childhood that we are recovering from. But as grown ups we have become closer and I cherish our time together. You make me laugh so hard its almost like you are forcing your workouts on me. I actually gain a stomach muscle or two when I am around you. There have been so many nights that I am out having a blast that I think "man, I wish Danielle was here". You are an inspiration to many and especially me. I love you beyond words. Thanks for being my sister and especially my friend. Your the best pally pal and bud a sister could ask for.

And believe me I have many more friends that are there for me and mean the world to me. However these people are TOPS for me. I love all of my friends and it takes a true HERO to be my friend. Not one of you is forgotten. You know who you are.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Happy New Year.....2009 has arrived

It has been some time now that I have been able to sit down and relax in a calm and quiet environment. The holidays are always hectic around here and as I have written before STRESSFUL. I am grateful that they are over and I am excited about starting a new year.

Here are some of the things I resolve to do in 2009:

1. Live a healthier lifestyle. I will start by not eating fried foods or sweets. I don't want to say the word diet because we all know how that word somehow always bites us in the ass. I also don't want to exclude too many things from my diet so that I feel overwhelmed and defeated. I will attempt to start a workout routine again. One that does not put any extra added pressure on the bed leg. One day at a time is how I am looking at this goal.

2. I am going to start prioritizing the people in my life. I look back and I see some of the relationships I have been in and realized that I have made some people a priority without them earning that right. I have put others aside that deserved to be noticed and loved by me. I will no longer make the calls, the drive or anything else that takes time away from others. I resolve to acknowledge those in my life that have treated me right, helped me in my times of need. I resolve to spend the time to pen a letter or email to show my appreciation. I resolve to make the time to spend it with the people in my life that should matter the most to me. I value my friendships and relationships but have not always put them in the right order. This is something I must change.

3. I will also try to use positive thinking in those times of self pity. I will try to remove my habitual negative thinking. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Instead of sitting back and waiting for the world to give me what I think I deserve I will put in the effort to get what I want, need and deserve. There are worse things in the world that are going on then the things in my life. There is always a way to change a negative to a positive. I will make this another priority.

4. I will continue to raise money and awareness. I will make The Walk for a Cure a top priority this year. Team WALK FOR DEE will be in full force and things will be changing this year. It is time to be assertive and get the word out there. I have been doing this for four years but have allowed myself to feel defeated. This year I will find new ways to encourage others to join me in this very important fight. Every day , every dollar makes a difference.

5. And last but not least. I resolve to find a HEALTHY relationship. A relationship that has future. A relationship that is not surrounded by drama and heartache. I want the kind of relationship where I am happy when he is around and even when he is not. I want a trusting relationship. I want one with someone who loves to hear my laughter and one who draws that out of me. I will not SETTLE. I will not let a man be my only option. I can't wait to find him.

So there you have it. They are little changes but I resolve to do what I can to keep them going. Small steps can lead to great things. What have you resolved to do in 2009?