Rainy Friday

Well it is a dark, cold and rainy Friday here in Mass. I need some sun to pep me up over here. I hate these gloomy days.

Just a note I have updated the options in this blog so that you don't have to have an account to make comments and stuff. So feel free.

Ok so lets start off with the VERY disappointing WW meeting last night. I am trying not to dwell on the fact that I gained 5 fucking pounds. It is hard not to though considering I know the work I put in to losing weight last week. I have struggled through bigger things in life than gaining weight but lets not pretend it's not upsetting ok? It is. I will work harder at it this week and plan on making a date or two with Billy Banks and letting him kick my ass with some of his famous kicking moves. I will lose the 5 pounds next week I know it. It was a fluke. The leaders think my body was in shock from the diet and all the walking. Talk about shock you be the one on that scale looking at the numbers I have to look at. It ain't easy being me I tell ya.

Nothing new with MS or the kid to share today. It feels good to be able to take a break from the two men in my life that cause me the most stress. Tomorrow is another day. LMFAO

Most disappointing to me today is this WALK FOR DEE fundraising that I have done for the past four years. I have come to realize that it means a whole lot to me than most people. I know it is a personal thing for me and it is for DEE that I started it and will continue to do it. I know it is DEE who meant the world to me. But each year a bunch of people step up and say they want in and they want to walk and raise money for this great cause. But when it comes down to it they are full of shit. In the end there are the same couple of walkers who join in with me and help me keep Dee's spirit alive. It is those couple of people who know and love me and understand what this TRULY means to me. It isn't so much about not doing it because I know not everyone can. It is much more about saying your going to do it and then bounce when the time comes to do it. I put 11 months into gathering a team and raising money. It is countless hours of emails and phone calls to do what I do. And NO I don't need a pat on the back for what I do, I do it because I want to. But it would be nice if people were true to their word and raised the money and walked the walk. Hey you can make all the excuses in the world but most of them mean shit to me. You are only lying to yourself. Give me a break. I mean I am 100+ lbs overwieght with a bum ankle and knee. But because I am DETERMINED to do it I push pass the pain. Walking 5 miles in the rain isn't my idea of fun believe me. But in the end raising money for Cancer Research is the purpose. Too many lives have been touched by cancer not to want to join in and make a difference. Thank you to those of you who have either raised money, are walking or both. Every penny counts and will make a difference in the lives of many. To those of you who again have showed your weakness as a person. Good luck on all of the other efforts you put in. I know I will be there and I will be there until I can't walk or push a wheelchair. My life has forever been changed by Cancer and the lives that have been lost or continue to struggle. I want to leave this earth knowing I did something for someone other than myself. Again thank to the dedicated few who stand beside me and walk with me. It means the world to me.

Tonight is a night out at PUMP IT with some girls from work to celebrate Taryl's birthday. Anyone who knows me knows I love to go out. I am not looking forward to tonight because nothing good will come of it. This is not the place to go and dance, chat and meet new people. It is a dark watering hole where you go when you don't feel good about yourself but look better standing next to the people who actually do like it there. YUCK I have to go but don't want to believe me. I will fill you all in later.